詐騙來電

喂？我中獎了？

wèi？ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hello? I won a prize?

可是我沒有下注

kě shì wǒ méi yǒu xià zhù

But I never placed any bet

名字地址你都知道

míng zì dì zhǐ nǐ dōu zhī dào

You know my name and address

你比我媽還清楚

nǐ bǐ wǒ mā hái qīng chǔ

You know me better than my mother

你說我是幸運客戶

nǐ shuō wǒ shì xìng yùn kè hù

You say I’m one of your lucky customers

獎金正在等我領

jiǎng jīn zhèng zài děng wǒ lǐng

And the prize money is waiting for me

我說少來這一套

wǒ shuō shǎo lái zhè yī tào

I say, “Don’t give me that nonsense”

你一定是詐騙集團

nǐ yí dìng shì zhà piàn jí tuán

You must be part of a scam syndicate

你說先別掛電話

nǐ shuō xiān bié guà diàn huà

You say, “Please don’t hang up yet”

其實你也很為難

qí shí nǐ yě hěn wèi nán

The truth is, you’re struggling too

資料看了三百遍

zī liào kàn le sān bǎi biàn

You’ve read my file three hundred times

我的人生比你更慘

wǒ de rén shēng bǐ nǐ gèng cǎn

And my life looks even worse than yours

你知道我卡費沒繳

nǐ zhī dào wǒ kǎ fèi méi jiǎo

You know my credit-card bill is unpaid

知道房租又在催

zhī dào fáng zū yòu zài cuī

You know the landlord is chasing the rent again

知道老闆畫的大餅

zhī dào lǎo bǎn huà de dà bǐng

You know about all the grand promises my boss made

連芝麻都沒給

lián zhī má dōu méi gěi

He didn’t even give me a single sesame seed

我說你怎麼全知道

wǒ shuō nǐ zěn me quán zhī dào

I ask how you know all of this

你說系統寫得明白

nǐ shuō xì tǒng xiě de míng bái

You say the system spells it out clearly

看到我的銀行存款

kàn dào wǒ de yín xíng cún kuǎn

When you saw my bank balance

你差點替我哭出來

nǐ chà diǎn tì wǒ kū chū lái

You almost started crying for me

你騙我

nǐ piàn wǒ

You’re scamming me

我也懂

wǒ yě dǒng

But I understand

這世界天天都在哄

zhè shì jiè tiān tiān dōu zài hǒng

This whole world lies to us every day

你缺錢

nǐ quē qián

You need money

我也窮

wǒ yě qióng

And I’m poor too

怎麼突然像弟兄

zěn me tū rán xiàng dì xiōng

How did we suddenly become like brothers?

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

你說真的不是夢

nǐ shuō zhēn de bú shì mèng

You say it really isn’t a dream

獎金還沒匯進來

jiǎng jīn hái méi huì jìn lái

The money hasn’t arrived yet

眼淚倒是先失控

yǎn lèi dào shì xiān shī kòng

But my tears are already out of control

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

原來你也被生活弄

yuán lái nǐ yě bèi shēng huó nòng

Turns out life has beaten you up too

你想騙走我的錢

nǐ xiǎng piàn zǒu wǒ de qián

You want to scam away my money

可惜我的帳戶比你空

kě xī wǒ de zhàng hù bǐ nǐ kōng

Too bad my account is emptier than yours

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

我們一起喊到瘋

wǒ men yì qǐ hǎn dào fēng

We scream together until we lose our minds

陌生號碼打進來

mò shēng hào mǎ dǎ jìn lái

A strange number calls me

竟然打中我的痛

jìng rán dǎ zhòng wǒ de tòng

And somehow hits me right where it hurts

我問你為何做詐騙

wǒ wèn nǐ wèi hé zuò zhà piàn

I ask why you became a scammer

你說欠債沒有路

nǐ shuō qiàn zhài méi yǒu lù

You say debt left you with nowhere to go

護照手機全被收走

hù zhào shǒu jī quán bèi shōu zǒu

Your passport and phone were taken away

每天照稿騙無辜

měi tiān zhào gǎo piàn wú gū

Every day you follow a script and scam innocent people

上面老闆穿西裝

shàng miàn lǎo bǎn chuān xī zhuāng

The boss upstairs wears a suit

喝著酒說要加油

hē zhù jiǔ shuō yào jiā yóu

Drinking liquor while telling everyone to work harder

我們騙到一百萬

wǒ men piàn dào yì bǎi wàn

We scam a million

他請大家吃饅頭

tā qǐng dà jiā chī mán tóu

And he rewards everyone with steamed buns

我說兄弟我能理解

wǒ shuō xiōng dì wǒ néng lǐ jiě

I say, “Brother, I understand”

我的公司也差不多

wǒ de gōng sī yě chà bu duō

My company is pretty much the same

每天叫我創造價值

měi tiān jiào wǒ chuàng zào jià zhí

Every day they tell me to create value

月底只剩泡麵一碗

yuè dǐ zhǐ shèng pào miàn yī wǎn

By the end of the month, I’m left with one bowl of instant noodles

你說人生像假網站

nǐ shuō rén shēng xiàng jiǎ wǎng zhàn

You say life is like a fake website

按哪一個都是錯

àn nǎ yī gè dōu shì cuò

Every button you click is wrong

我說至少你還關心我

wǒ shuō zhì shǎo nǐ hái guān xīn wǒ

I say at least you seem to care about me

雖然目的是匯款喔

suī rán mù dì shì huì kuǎn ō

Even if your real goal is getting me to transfer money

你騙人

nǐ piàn rén

You scam people

我被騙

wǒ bèi piàn

I get scammed

大家都在同一圈

dà jiā dōu zài tóng yī quān

We’re all trapped in the same circle

你想跑

nǐ xiǎng pǎo

You want to escape

我想變

wǒ xiǎng biàn

I want my life to change

出口永遠還在轉圈

chū kǒu yǒng yuǎn hái zài zhuǎn quān

But the exit keeps spinning forever

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

你說真的不是夢

nǐ shuō zhēn de bú shì mèng

You say it really isn’t a dream

獎金還沒匯進來

jiǎng jīn hái méi huì jìn lái

The money hasn’t arrived yet

眼淚倒是先失控

yǎn lèi dào shì xiān shī kòng

But my tears are already out of control

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

原來你也被生活弄

yuán lái nǐ yě bèi shēng huó nòng

Turns out life has beaten you up too

你想騙走我的錢

nǐ xiǎng piàn zǒu wǒ de qián

You want to scam away my money

可惜我的帳戶比你空

kě xī wǒ de zhàng hù bǐ nǐ kōng

Too bad my account is emptier than yours

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

我們一起喊到瘋

wǒ men yì qǐ hǎn dào fēng

We scream together until we lose our minds

陌生號碼打進來

mò shēng hào mǎ dǎ jìn lái

A strange number calls me

竟然打中我的痛

jìng rán dǎ zhòng wǒ de tòng

And somehow hits me right where it hurts

你說不如一起大叫

nǐ shuō bù rú yì qǐ dà jiào

You say we might as well scream together

把委屈全部吐掉

bǎ wěi qū quán bù tǔ diào

And let all our misery out

一、二、三——

yī、 èr、 sān — —

One, two, three—

啊啊啊啊啊！

a a a a a！

Aaaaaah!

電話兩邊突然安靜

diàn huà liǎng biān tū rán ān jìng

Both ends of the call suddenly go quiet

辦公室裡傳來迴音

bàn gōng shì lǐ chuán lái huí yīn

An echo rings through the office

我慢慢站起來看

wǒ màn màn zhàn qǐ lái kàn

I slowly stand up and look around

你也從隔板探出眼睛

nǐ yě cóng gé bǎn tàn chū yǎn jīng

And your eyes peek over the cubicle divider

隔著三張辦公桌

gé zhù sān zhāng bàn gōng zhuō

Three desks apart

我們同時舉起手機

wǒ men tóng shí jǔ qǐ shǒu jī

We raise our phones at the same time

你的假名叫陳大偉

nǐ de jiǎ míng jiào chén dà wěi

Your fake name is Chen Da-Wei

我的帳號叫王美麗

wǒ de zhàng hào jiào wáng měi lì

My account is called Wang Mei-Li

你是詐騙！

nǐ shì zhà piàn！

You’re a scammer!

我也是詐騙！

wǒ yě shì zhà piàn！

I’m a scammer too!

我們每天互相來電！

wǒ men měi tiān hù xiāng lái diàn！

We call each other every day!

你的假臉！

nǐ de jiǎ liǎn！

Your fake face!

我的假臉！

wǒ de jiǎ liǎn！

My fake face!

本人就在隔壁桌前！

běn rén jiù zài gé bì zhuō qián！

But the real person is sitting at the next desk!

中獎簡訊！

zhōng jiǎng jiǎn xùn！

Prize-winning messages!

愛情照片！

ài qíng zhào piān！

Romance photos!

全部公司統一模板！

quán bù gōng sī tǒng yī mú bǎn！

All made from the same company template!

騙來騙去！

piàn lái piàn qù！

Scamming back and forth!

最後發現！

zuì hòu fā xiàn！

Until we finally discover!

我們連彼此都在騙！

wǒ men lián bǐ cǐ dōu zài piàn！

We’ve even been scamming each other!

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

這次真的不是夢

zhè cì zhēn de bú shì mèng

This time it really isn’t a dream

我找到失散的兄弟

wǒ zhǎo dào shī sàn de xiōng dì

I found my long-lost brother

就在隔壁吹冷風

jiù zài gé bì chuī lěng fēng

Shivering under the air conditioner next door

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

獎品是一個窮朋友

jiǎng pǐn shì yī gè qióng péng yǒu

The prize is one broke friend

我們沒有騙到錢

wǒ men méi yǒu piàn dào qián

We didn’t manage to scam any money

至少騙到一點感動

zhì shǎo piàn dào yī diǎn gǎn dòng

But at least we somehow found a little emotion

喂！我中獎了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

一起把劇本丟進桶

yì qǐ bǎ jù běn diū jìn tǒng

Let’s throw the scripts into the bin

老闆問今天業績呢

lǎo bǎn wèn jīn tiān yè jī ne

The boss asks about today’s sales figures

我們說系統更新中

wǒ men shuō xì tǒng gēng xīn zhōng

We say the system is still updating

你好，我是銀行客服

nǐ hǎo， wǒ shì yín xíng kè fú

Hello, I’m calling from your bank

你好，我是你的親人

nǐ hǎo， wǒ shì nǐ de qīn rén

Hello, I’m one of your relatives

你好，我們都是假的

nǐ hǎo， wǒ men dōu shì jiǎ de

Hello, everything about us is fake

可是眼淚倒是真的

kě shì yǎn lèi dào shì zhēn de

But the tears are real

喂？

wèi？

Hello?

你中獎了！

nǐ zhōng jiǎng le！

You won a prize!

獎品是——

jiǎng pǐn shì — —

And the prize is—

明天繼續上班！

míng tiān jì xù shàng bān！

You get to come back to work tomorrow!