诈骗来电

喂？我中奖了？

wèi？ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hello? I won a prize?

可是我没有下注

kě shì wǒ méi yǒu xià zhù

But I never placed any bet

名字地址你都知道

míng zì dì zhǐ nǐ dōu zhī dào

You know my name and address

你比我妈还清楚

nǐ bǐ wǒ mā hái qīng chǔ

You know me better than my mother

你说我是幸运客户

nǐ shuō wǒ shì xìng yùn kè hù

You say I’m one of your lucky customers

奖金正在等我领

jiǎng jīn zhèng zài děng wǒ lǐng

And the prize money is waiting for me

我说少来这一套

wǒ shuō shǎo lái zhè yī tào

I say, “Don’t give me that nonsense”

你一定是诈骗集团

nǐ yí dìng shì zhà piàn jí tuán

You must be part of a scam syndicate

你说先别挂电话

nǐ shuō xiān bié guà diàn huà

You say, “Please don’t hang up yet”

其实你也很为难

qí shí nǐ yě hěn wèi nán

The truth is, you’re struggling too

资料看了三百遍

zī liào kàn le sān bǎi biàn

You’ve read my file three hundred times

我的人生比你更惨

wǒ de rén shēng bǐ nǐ gèng cǎn

And my life looks even worse than yours

你知道我卡费没缴

nǐ zhī dào wǒ kǎ fèi méi jiǎo

You know my credit-card bill is unpaid

知道房租又在催

zhī dào fáng zū yòu zài cuī

You know the landlord is chasing the rent again

知道老板画的大饼

zhī dào lǎo bǎn huà de dà bǐng

You know about all the grand promises my boss made

连芝麻都没给

lián zhī má dōu méi gěi

He didn’t even give me a single sesame seed

我说你怎么全知道

wǒ shuō nǐ zěn me quán zhī dào

I ask how you know all of this

你说系统写得明白

nǐ shuō xì tǒng xiě de míng bái

You say the system spells it out clearly

看到我的银行存款

kàn dào wǒ de yín xíng cún kuǎn

When you saw my bank balance

你差点替我哭出来

nǐ chà diǎn tì wǒ kū chū lái

You almost started crying for me

你骗我

nǐ piàn wǒ

You’re scamming me

我也懂

wǒ yě dǒng

But I understand

这世界天天都在哄

zhè shì jiè tiān tiān dōu zài hǒng

This whole world lies to us every day

你缺钱

nǐ quē qián

You need money

我也穷

wǒ yě qióng

And I’m poor too

怎么突然像弟兄

zěn me tū rán xiàng dì xiōng

How did we suddenly become like brothers?

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

你说真的不是梦

nǐ shuō zhēn de bú shì mèng

You say it really isn’t a dream

奖金还没汇进来

jiǎng jīn hái méi huì jìn lái

The money hasn’t arrived yet

眼泪倒是先失控

yǎn lèi dào shì xiān shī kòng

But my tears are already out of control

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

原来你也被生活弄

yuán lái nǐ yě bèi shēng huó nòng

Turns out life has beaten you up too

你想骗走我的钱

nǐ xiǎng piàn zǒu wǒ de qián

You want to scam away my money

可惜我的帐户比你空

kě xī wǒ de zhàng hù bǐ nǐ kōng

Too bad my account is emptier than yours

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

我们一起喊到疯

wǒ men yì qǐ hǎn dào fēng

We scream together until we lose our minds

陌生号码打进来

mò shēng hào mǎ dǎ jìn lái

A strange number calls me

竟然打中我的痛

jìng rán dǎ zhòng wǒ de tòng

And somehow hits me right where it hurts

我问你为何做诈骗

wǒ wèn nǐ wèi hé zuò zhà piàn

I ask why you became a scammer

你说欠债没有路

nǐ shuō qiàn zhài méi yǒu lù

You say debt left you with nowhere to go

护照手机全被收走

hù zhào shǒu jī quán bèi shōu zǒu

Your passport and phone were taken away

每天照稿骗无辜

měi tiān zhào gǎo piàn wú gū

Every day you follow a script and scam innocent people

上面老板穿西装

shàng miàn lǎo bǎn chuān xī zhuāng

The boss upstairs wears a suit

喝著酒说要加油

hē zhù jiǔ shuō yào jiā yóu

Drinking liquor while telling everyone to work harder

我们骗到一百万

wǒ men piàn dào yì bǎi wàn

We scam a million

他请大家吃馒头

tā qǐng dà jiā chī mán tóu

And he rewards everyone with steamed buns

我说兄弟我能理解

wǒ shuō xiōng dì wǒ néng lǐ jiě

I say, “Brother, I understand”

我的公司也差不多

wǒ de gōng sī yě chà bu duō

My company is pretty much the same

每天叫我创造价值

měi tiān jiào wǒ chuàng zào jià zhí

Every day they tell me to create value

月底只剩泡面一碗

yuè dǐ zhǐ shèng pào miàn yī wǎn

By the end of the month, I’m left with one bowl of instant noodles

你说人生像假网站

nǐ shuō rén shēng xiàng jiǎ wǎng zhàn

You say life is like a fake website

按哪一个都是错

àn nǎ yī gè dōu shì cuò

Every button you click is wrong

我说至少你还关心我

wǒ shuō zhì shǎo nǐ hái guān xīn wǒ

I say at least you seem to care about me

虽然目的是汇款喔

suī rán mù dì shì huì kuǎn ō

Even if your real goal is getting me to transfer money

你骗人

nǐ piàn rén

You scam people

我被骗

wǒ bèi piàn

I get scammed

大家都在同一圈

dà jiā dōu zài tóng yī quān

We’re all trapped in the same circle

你想跑

nǐ xiǎng pǎo

You want to escape

我想变

wǒ xiǎng biàn

I want my life to change

出口永远还在转圈

chū kǒu yǒng yuǎn hái zài zhuǎn quān

But the exit keeps spinning forever

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

你说真的不是梦

nǐ shuō zhēn de bú shì mèng

You say it really isn’t a dream

奖金还没汇进来

jiǎng jīn hái méi huì jìn lái

The money hasn’t arrived yet

眼泪倒是先失控

yǎn lèi dào shì xiān shī kòng

But my tears are already out of control

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

原来你也被生活弄

yuán lái nǐ yě bèi shēng huó nòng

Turns out life has beaten you up too

你想骗走我的钱

nǐ xiǎng piàn zǒu wǒ de qián

You want to scam away my money

可惜我的帐户比你空

kě xī wǒ de zhàng hù bǐ nǐ kōng

Too bad my account is emptier than yours

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

我们一起喊到疯

wǒ men yì qǐ hǎn dào fēng

We scream together until we lose our minds

陌生号码打进来

mò shēng hào mǎ dǎ jìn lái

A strange number calls me

竟然打中我的痛

jìng rán dǎ zhòng wǒ de tòng

And somehow hits me right where it hurts

你说不如一起大叫

nǐ shuō bù rú yì qǐ dà jiào

You say we might as well scream together

把委屈全部吐掉

bǎ wěi qū quán bù tǔ diào

And let all our misery out

一、二、三——

yī、 èr、 sān — —

One, two, three—

啊啊啊啊啊！

a a a a a！

Aaaaaah!

电话两边突然安静

diàn huà liǎng biān tū rán ān jìng

Both ends of the call suddenly go quiet

办公室里传来回音

bàn gōng shì lǐ chuán lái huí yīn

An echo rings through the office

我慢慢站起来看

wǒ màn màn zhàn qǐ lái kàn

I slowly stand up and look around

你也从隔板探出眼睛

nǐ yě cóng gé bǎn tàn chū yǎn jīng

And your eyes peek over the cubicle divider

隔著三张办公桌

gé zhù sān zhāng bàn gōng zhuō

Three desks apart

我们同时举起手机

wǒ men tóng shí jǔ qǐ shǒu jī

We raise our phones at the same time

你的假名叫陈大伟

nǐ de jiǎ míng jiào chén dà wěi

Your fake name is Chen Da-Wei

我的帐号叫王美丽

wǒ de zhàng hào jiào wáng měi lì

My account is called Wang Mei-Li

你是诈骗！

nǐ shì zhà piàn！

You’re a scammer!

我也是诈骗！

wǒ yě shì zhà piàn！

I’m a scammer too!

我们每天互相来电！

wǒ men měi tiān hù xiāng lái diàn！

We call each other every day!

你的假脸！

nǐ de jiǎ liǎn！

Your fake face!

我的假脸！

wǒ de jiǎ liǎn！

My fake face!

本人就在隔壁桌前！

běn rén jiù zài gé bì zhuō qián！

But the real person is sitting at the next desk!

中奖简讯！

zhōng jiǎng jiǎn xùn！

Prize-winning messages!

爱情照片！

ài qíng zhào piān！

Romance photos!

全部公司统一模板！

quán bù gōng sī tǒng yī mú bǎn！

All made from the same company template!

骗来骗去！

piàn lái piàn qù！

Scamming back and forth!

最后发现！

zuì hòu fā xiàn！

Until we finally discover!

我们连彼此都在骗！

wǒ men lián bǐ cǐ dōu zài piàn！

We’ve even been scamming each other!

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

这次真的不是梦

zhè cì zhēn de bú shì mèng

This time it really isn’t a dream

我找到失散的兄弟

wǒ zhǎo dào shī sàn de xiōng dì

I found my long-lost brother

就在隔壁吹冷风

jiù zài gé bì chuī lěng fēng

Shivering under the air conditioner next door

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

奖品是一个穷朋友

jiǎng pǐn shì yī gè qióng péng yǒu

The prize is one broke friend

我们没有骗到钱

wǒ men méi yǒu piàn dào qián

We didn’t manage to scam any money

至少骗到一点感动

zhì shǎo piàn dào yī diǎn gǎn dòng

But at least we somehow found a little emotion

喂！我中奖了？

wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？

Hey! I won a prize?

一起把剧本丢进桶

yì qǐ bǎ jù běn diū jìn tǒng

Let’s throw the scripts into the bin

老板问今天业绩呢

lǎo bǎn wèn jīn tiān yè jī ne

The boss asks about today’s sales figures

我们说系统更新中

wǒ men shuō xì tǒng gēng xīn zhōng

We say the system is still updating

你好，我是银行客服

nǐ hǎo， wǒ shì yín xíng kè fú

Hello, I’m calling from your bank

你好，我是你的亲人

nǐ hǎo， wǒ shì nǐ de qīn rén

Hello, I’m one of your relatives

你好，我们都是假的

nǐ hǎo， wǒ men dōu shì jiǎ de

Hello, everything about us is fake

可是眼泪倒是真的

kě shì yǎn lèi dào shì zhēn de

But the tears are real

喂？

wèi？

Hello?

你中奖了！

nǐ zhōng jiǎng le！

You won a prize!

奖品是——

jiǎng pǐn shì — —

And the prize is—

明天继续上班！

míng tiān jì xù shàng bān！

You get to come back to work tomorrow!