01主歌一
喂？我中奖了？喂？我中獎了？
wèi？ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hello? I won a prize?
可是我没有下注可是我沒有下注
kě shì wǒ méi yǒu xià zhù
But I never placed any bet
名字地址你都知道名字地址你都知道
míng zì dì zhǐ nǐ dōu zhī dào
You know my name and address
你比我妈还清楚你比我媽還清楚
nǐ bǐ wǒ mā hái qīng chǔ
You know me better than my mother
你说我是幸运客户你說我是幸運客戶
nǐ shuō wǒ shì xìng yùn kè hù
You say I’m one of your lucky customers
奖金正在等我领獎金正在等我領
jiǎng jīn zhèng zài děng wǒ lǐng
And the prize money is waiting for me
我说少来这一套我說少來這一套
wǒ shuō shǎo lái zhè yī tào
I say, “Don’t give me that nonsense”
你一定是诈骗集团你一定是詐騙集團
nǐ yí dìng shì zhà piàn jí tuán
You must be part of a scam syndicate
你说先别挂电话你說先別掛電話
nǐ shuō xiān bié guà diàn huà
You say, “Please don’t hang up yet”
其实你也很为难其實你也很為難
qí shí nǐ yě hěn wèi nán
The truth is, you’re struggling too
资料看了三百遍資料看了三百遍
zī liào kàn le sān bǎi biàn
You’ve read my file three hundred times
我的人生比你更惨我的人生比你更慘
wǒ de rén shēng bǐ nǐ gèng cǎn
And my life looks even worse than yours
你知道我卡费没缴你知道我卡費沒繳
nǐ zhī dào wǒ kǎ fèi méi jiǎo
You know my credit-card bill is unpaid
知道房租又在催知道房租又在催
zhī dào fáng zū yòu zài cuī
You know the landlord is chasing the rent again
知道老板画的大饼知道老闆畫的大餅
zhī dào lǎo bǎn huà de dà bǐng
You know about all the grand promises my boss made
连芝麻都没给連芝麻都沒給
lián zhī má dōu méi gěi
He didn’t even give me a single sesame seed
我说你怎么全知道我說你怎麼全知道
wǒ shuō nǐ zěn me quán zhī dào
I ask how you know all of this
你说系统写得明白你說系統寫得明白
nǐ shuō xì tǒng xiě de míng bái
You say the system spells it out clearly
看到我的银行存款看到我的銀行存款
kàn dào wǒ de yín xíng cún kuǎn
When you saw my bank balance
你差点替我哭出来你差點替我哭出來
nǐ chà diǎn tì wǒ kū chū lái
You almost started crying for me
03副歌
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
你说真的不是梦你說真的不是夢
nǐ shuō zhēn de bú shì mèng
You say it really isn’t a dream
奖金还没汇进来獎金還沒匯進來
jiǎng jīn hái méi huì jìn lái
The money hasn’t arrived yet
眼泪倒是先失控眼淚倒是先失控
yǎn lèi dào shì xiān shī kòng
But my tears are already out of control
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
原来你也被生活弄原來你也被生活弄
yuán lái nǐ yě bèi shēng huó nòng
Turns out life has beaten you up too
你想骗走我的钱你想騙走我的錢
nǐ xiǎng piàn zǒu wǒ de qián
You want to scam away my money
可惜我的帐户比你空可惜我的帳戶比你空
kě xī wǒ de zhàng hù bǐ nǐ kōng
Too bad my account is emptier than yours
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
我们一起喊到疯我們一起喊到瘋
wǒ men yì qǐ hǎn dào fēng
We scream together until we lose our minds
陌生号码打进来陌生號碼打進來
mò shēng hào mǎ dǎ jìn lái
A strange number calls me
竟然打中我的痛竟然打中我的痛
jìng rán dǎ zhòng wǒ de tòng
And somehow hits me right where it hurts
04主歌二
我问你为何做诈骗我問你為何做詐騙
wǒ wèn nǐ wèi hé zuò zhà piàn
I ask why you became a scammer
你说欠债没有路你說欠債沒有路
nǐ shuō qiàn zhài méi yǒu lù
You say debt left you with nowhere to go
护照手机全被收走護照手機全被收走
hù zhào shǒu jī quán bèi shōu zǒu
Your passport and phone were taken away
每天照稿骗无辜每天照稿騙無辜
měi tiān zhào gǎo piàn wú gū
Every day you follow a script and scam innocent people
上面老板穿西装上面老闆穿西裝
shàng miàn lǎo bǎn chuān xī zhuāng
The boss upstairs wears a suit
喝著酒说要加油喝著酒說要加油
hē zhù jiǔ shuō yào jiā yóu
Drinking liquor while telling everyone to work harder
我们骗到一百万我們騙到一百萬
wǒ men piàn dào yì bǎi wàn
We scam a million
他请大家吃馒头他請大家吃饅頭
tā qǐng dà jiā chī mán tóu
And he rewards everyone with steamed buns
我说兄弟我能理解我說兄弟我能理解
wǒ shuō xiōng dì wǒ néng lǐ jiě
I say, “Brother, I understand”
我的公司也差不多我的公司也差不多
wǒ de gōng sī yě chà bu duō
My company is pretty much the same
每天叫我创造价值每天叫我創造價值
měi tiān jiào wǒ chuàng zào jià zhí
Every day they tell me to create value
月底只剩泡面一碗月底只剩泡麵一碗
yuè dǐ zhǐ shèng pào miàn yī wǎn
By the end of the month, I’m left with one bowl of instant noodles
你说人生像假网站你說人生像假網站
nǐ shuō rén shēng xiàng jiǎ wǎng zhàn
You say life is like a fake website
按哪一个都是错按哪一個都是錯
àn nǎ yī gè dōu shì cuò
Every button you click is wrong
我说至少你还关心我我說至少你還關心我
wǒ shuō zhì shǎo nǐ hái guān xīn wǒ
I say at least you seem to care about me
虽然目的是汇款喔雖然目的是匯款喔
suī rán mù dì shì huì kuǎn ō
Even if your real goal is getting me to transfer money
06副歌
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
你说真的不是梦你說真的不是夢
nǐ shuō zhēn de bú shì mèng
You say it really isn’t a dream
奖金还没汇进来獎金還沒匯進來
jiǎng jīn hái méi huì jìn lái
The money hasn’t arrived yet
眼泪倒是先失控眼淚倒是先失控
yǎn lèi dào shì xiān shī kòng
But my tears are already out of control
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
原来你也被生活弄原來你也被生活弄
yuán lái nǐ yě bèi shēng huó nòng
Turns out life has beaten you up too
你想骗走我的钱你想騙走我的錢
nǐ xiǎng piàn zǒu wǒ de qián
You want to scam away my money
可惜我的帐户比你空可惜我的帳戶比你空
kě xī wǒ de zhàng hù bǐ nǐ kōng
Too bad my account is emptier than yours
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
我们一起喊到疯我們一起喊到瘋
wǒ men yì qǐ hǎn dào fēng
We scream together until we lose our minds
陌生号码打进来陌生號碼打進來
mò shēng hào mǎ dǎ jìn lái
A strange number calls me
竟然打中我的痛竟然打中我的痛
jìng rán dǎ zhòng wǒ de tòng
And somehow hits me right where it hurts
07橋段
你说不如一起大叫你說不如一起大叫
nǐ shuō bù rú yì qǐ dà jiào
You say we might as well scream together
把委屈全部吐掉把委屈全部吐掉
bǎ wěi qū quán bù tǔ diào
And let all our misery out
一、二、三——一、二、三——
yī、 èr、 sān — —
One, two, three—
啊啊啊啊啊！啊啊啊啊啊！
a a a a a！
Aaaaaah!
电话两边突然安静電話兩邊突然安靜
diàn huà liǎng biān tū rán ān jìng
Both ends of the call suddenly go quiet
办公室里传来回音辦公室裡傳來迴音
bàn gōng shì lǐ chuán lái huí yīn
An echo rings through the office
我慢慢站起来看我慢慢站起來看
wǒ màn màn zhàn qǐ lái kàn
I slowly stand up and look around
你也从隔板探出眼睛你也從隔板探出眼睛
nǐ yě cóng gé bǎn tàn chū yǎn jīng
And your eyes peek over the cubicle divider
隔著三张办公桌隔著三張辦公桌
gé zhù sān zhāng bàn gōng zhuō
Three desks apart
我们同时举起手机我們同時舉起手機
wǒ men tóng shí jǔ qǐ shǒu jī
We raise our phones at the same time
你的假名叫陈大伟你的假名叫陳大偉
nǐ de jiǎ míng jiào chén dà wěi
Your fake name is Chen Da-Wei
我的帐号叫王美丽我的帳號叫王美麗
wǒ de zhàng hào jiào wáng měi lì
My account is called Wang Mei-Li
你是诈骗！你是詐騙！
nǐ shì zhà piàn！
You’re a scammer!
我也是诈骗！我也是詐騙！
wǒ yě shì zhà piàn！
I’m a scammer too!
我们每天互相来电！我們每天互相來電！
wǒ men měi tiān hù xiāng lái diàn！
We call each other every day!
你的假脸！你的假臉！
nǐ de jiǎ liǎn！
Your fake face!
我的假脸！我的假臉！
wǒ de jiǎ liǎn！
My fake face!
本人就在隔壁桌前！本人就在隔壁桌前！
běn rén jiù zài gé bì zhuō qián！
But the real person is sitting at the next desk!
中奖简讯！中獎簡訊！
zhōng jiǎng jiǎn xùn！
Prize-winning messages!
爱情照片！愛情照片！
ài qíng zhào piān！
Romance photos!
全部公司统一模板！全部公司統一模板！
quán bù gōng sī tǒng yī mú bǎn！
All made from the same company template!
骗来骗去！騙來騙去！
piàn lái piàn qù！
Scamming back and forth!
最后发现！最後發現！
zuì hòu fā xiàn！
Until we finally discover!
我们连彼此都在骗！我們連彼此都在騙！
wǒ men lián bǐ cǐ dōu zài piàn！
We’ve even been scamming each other!
08最後副歌
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
这次真的不是梦這次真的不是夢
zhè cì zhēn de bú shì mèng
This time it really isn’t a dream
我找到失散的兄弟我找到失散的兄弟
wǒ zhǎo dào shī sàn de xiōng dì
I found my long-lost brother
就在隔壁吹冷风就在隔壁吹冷風
jiù zài gé bì chuī lěng fēng
Shivering under the air conditioner next door
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
奖品是一个穷朋友獎品是一個窮朋友
jiǎng pǐn shì yī gè qióng péng yǒu
The prize is one broke friend
我们没有骗到钱我們沒有騙到錢
wǒ men méi yǒu piàn dào qián
We didn’t manage to scam any money
至少骗到一点感动至少騙到一點感動
zhì shǎo piàn dào yī diǎn gǎn dòng
But at least we somehow found a little emotion
喂！我中奖了？喂！我中獎了？
wèi！ wǒ zhōng jiǎng le？
Hey! I won a prize?
一起把剧本丢进桶一起把劇本丟進桶
yì qǐ bǎ jù běn diū jìn tǒng
Let’s throw the scripts into the bin
老板问今天业绩呢老闆問今天業績呢
lǎo bǎn wèn jīn tiān yè jī ne
The boss asks about today’s sales figures
我们说系统更新中我們說系統更新中
wǒ men shuō xì tǒng gēng xīn zhōng
We say the system is still updating
09尾聲
你好，我是银行客服你好，我是銀行客服
nǐ hǎo， wǒ shì yín xíng kè fú
Hello, I’m calling from your bank
你好，我是你的亲人你好，我是你的親人
nǐ hǎo， wǒ shì nǐ de qīn rén
Hello, I’m one of your relatives
你好，我们都是假的你好，我們都是假的
nǐ hǎo， wǒ men dōu shì jiǎ de
Hello, everything about us is fake
可是眼泪倒是真的可是眼淚倒是真的
kě shì yǎn lèi dào shì zhēn de
But the tears are real
你中奖了！你中獎了！
nǐ zhōng jiǎng le！
You won a prize!
奖品是——獎品是——
jiǎng pǐn shì — —
And the prize is—
明天继续上班！明天繼續上班！
míng tiān jì xù shàng bān！
You get to come back to work tomorrow!
藝人Noodle Brains (麵腦袋)
